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Mark Sevi

Mark Sevi

Final Draft 8.0

The new Final Draft continues the trend toward one size fits all - to the detriment of the software. 

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Tighten Your Script

TIGHTEN YOUR SCRIPT
by
Mark Sevi
Put your script on a diet
10 Techniques
Exclusive to the Orange County Screenwriters Association

1) TOO HIP FOR YOU
 

Imagine you’re too cool for the room. So of course you come in late and leave early for max “pap”(arazzi) exposure. Start as late in a scene as you can. This means, where is the absolute deepest point you can begin in a scene and still maintain the sense of it and also accomplish your goals.


Subsequently, leave early - don’t drag it. Get to the point, make it and get out without seeming abrupt, but please - MAKE THE POINT – too many times I see work where the scene ends without a coda or a point. Trimming does no good if you’re cutting the reason you’re in the scene.


2) FLASH THEM
 

Show don’t tell.

How can you best show something rather than talk it out? Dialogue is never as efficient in a visual medium like film. Remember the old adage, “a picture is worth a thousand words.” Use your visual skills to show something instead of telling us about it.
 

3) CHATTY CATHY

Tell don’t show.

Yes, it seems contradictory but there are times when just a line of dialogue makes a complete point. Know when to use words instead of visual images to get maximum impact. A judicious voice over, despite the fact that it’s a horribly overused technique, can have maximum impact in minimal space.
 

4) KILL YOUR “CHILDREN”
Know what you’re trying to accomplish with a script, a scene sequence, a scene, and be brutal about cutting something that doesn’t add to that goal. “Killing your children” involves getting rid of the stuff that you’re really in love with. Don’t worry - you can probably use it somewhere else or in another script. But don’t be afraid of tossing your darlings out of the plane to reduce weight so you can make your destination - your ideal page count.
 

5) AND WE’RE BLENDING, WE’RE MIXING
 

When possible, combine.

Not everything needs to stand alone. Combine that snappy dialogue with a scene about traveling somewhere or put it in an elevator scene that you’re using as a transition.
 

6) I’LL CUT YOU, MAN

Don’t be afraid to completely eliminate entire scenes that do nothing or accomplish only one thing.

We all think we absolutely need certain scenes - don’t we? But is that scene with your character talking about his or her feelings really necessary or can we find out through a gesture, a moment, or someplace else entirely.
This technique is sometimes best accomplished on rewrite when you know what you need and don’t need to tell your story.


7) BABY, SWEETY... LOVE YOU BUT -


Think like a producer

A producer’s job is to sweat the money. Imagine every scene you’re creating is costing you money you can't afford and you’ll get why producers have to be merciless (besides that they’re also sadists - but that’s another article.) It’s really difficult to imagine how appalling difficult it is to make something happen film-wise until you actually visit a set and watch them set up for a shot. If you knew what it took to light one simple bad guy on fire...sheesh!


Put a jar on your desk and charge yourself every time you write a new scene or setup that will involve moving hundreds of people to accomplish that moment. Toss a quarter in that jar every time you create a new scene and promise that money to your friend or kids. Now how many would you really keep if you absolutely had to?


8) SHUT THE *@&^$*& UP!

Try eliminating as many lines of dialogue as possible.

Imagine you’re working for an actor who wants 30% of the dialogue eliminated. I did - he made me cut almost every other line of dialogue. And the film still worked. Try it - see what you can get rid of and still maintain the quality of the scene.


9) YOU TALKING TO ME?


When in doubt, sound it out.

Take your work of genius to a workshop or your family dinner and cast the parts. Just listen - let someone else do the reading. You’ll know almost instantly what drags and what doesn’t when you hear people drone on while reading your work.


10) ADD COMMERCIALS


Imagine your feature isn’t going to 110 pages but more like a 2-hour television production. Great. But were you aware that two hours of TV is really only eighty-eight minutes because of commercials? Forty-four minutes per hour.
Could you cut enough to adapt your 100 page work to that few pages? Try it. Imagine you have to to get paid. I bet you could.
 

~~~
 

Mark Sevi is professional screenwriter living in Southern California. As of this writing he has over 18 produced films. He also teaches and writes articles for national pubs about scriptwriting.

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The Mashup Page

Welcome to the Mashup Page - why Mashup?  A Mashup is various sources mashed up together to provide a new experience.  With Art, any art absorbed is art returned.   

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5 Word Review

Five Word Movie/Television/Play/Novel Reviews 

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Articles Index

All the articles on the site from Film Analysis, How Tos,  Technical, Tips/Techniques, etc. 

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Movie Reviews

Movie Reviews 

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Dark minds

 With all due respect, your opinions and commentary re Dark Minds is

Not only unfounded and laced with words of stupidity

But an obvious envy. The real deal? Maybe. Maybe not insofar as 

13 is concerned but your disrespect for a reputable criminal

Profiler, John Kelly, is what makes me want to 

Puke.

 

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This forum - how to, why to

The whole purpose here is to do an online critique session.  A work is submitted, commented on by the group and then a professional writer/teacher does his or her critique of the material.

That's it - simple.  A small investment of your time to learn a great deal without taking a class. 

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Top Ten Films in Outer Space

“One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” Forty-one years ago, on the 20th of July 1969, Neil Armstrong spoke those words as he stepped onto the surface of the moon.

Also in 1969, the top-grossing western of all time, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, and the most controversial western ever, The Wild Bunch, were released. 

On television that same year, Star Trek was canceled. One of the reasons given for the cancellation of Kirk, Spock, Bones, and the crew of the Enterprise was that the show’s core audience was teenagers and children. They were not the groups the sponsors wanted to attract. 

With a few notable exceptions however—such as Dances with Wolves, Unforgiven, Lonesome Dove, and The Outlaw Josey Wales—the day of the western as a Hollywood staple was over.

A new era had begun.

While previous generations had been interested in seeing films about our past and roots, the younger generations were more interested in films about where we could go. Space travel was permanently part of their universe and fantasies.

Before World War Two, there were hardly any films that included space travel as element of the plot. French filmmakers made movies based on Jules Verne’s From the Earth to the Moon in 1862 and H.G. Wells’s The First Men in the Moon in 1901. Beyond that, however, there were the 30s serials based on the exploits of Flash Gordon and Buck Rogers. And that was about it.

Then George Pal released Destination Moon in 1950. It starred John Archer and Warner Anderson. The plot revolved around America’s plan to beat the Russians to the moon. More movies that showed us venturing into space followed. During the decades of the Fifties and the Sixties, we saw such films as Rocketship X-M (1950), Conquest of Space (1953 – also by Pal), Forbidden Planet (1956), First Spaceship on Venus (1959), Robinson Crusoe on Mars (1964), Planet of the Vampires (1965), Queen of Blood (1966), and Women of the Prehistoric Planet (1966). 

In 1968 however, as NASA prepared to put a man on the moon, three very different films were released that involved space travel. Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey, Arthur P. Jacobs’ Planet of the Apes, and Roger Vadim’s Barbarella. Each would tap into very different audiences but each showed that moviegoers were eager for these adventures. Filmmakers began looking seriously to the stars for new settings and stories.

            2001: A Space Odyssey, Planet of the Apes, and Forbidden Planet are all classics but the following list is the Top Ten Movies in Outer Space that were released after the moon landing, after travel to other planets became a reality.  NOTE: Part of the criteria for my list was that a major portion of the film had to take place in space. That left films like Spielberg’s Close Encounters of the Third Kind and E.T. not in consideration.

            We begin:

 

            10) SOLDIER (1998)

Directed by Paul Anderson. Starring Kurt Russell, Jason Scott Lee, and Gary Busey.  Written by David Webb Peoples. Tagline: Left for dead on a remote planet for obsolete machines and people, a fallen hero has one last battle to fight.  This is Shane in outer space.  A guilty pleasure to be sure.  A professional soldier (Russell), trained in the warrior arts since birth, is nearly killed by his bio-engineered replacement (Lee) then marooned on a garbage-heap planet.  He is found by an outcast group of colonists.  One family takes him in and he sees a side of humanity that he has never encountered before.  Feelings he never knew he had begin to surface.  A little bit anyway.  But the other colonists fear him and they banish him.  Then his former comrades return on a blood hunt.

           

Sandra: “You have feelings, don't you?”

Todd: “Fear ... fear and discipline.”

 

9) WALL-E (2008)

Directed by Andrew Stanton. Screenplay by Andrew Stanton and Jim Reardon. Original Story by Andrew Stanton and Pete Docter. Voices by Ben Burtt, Elissa Knight, and Sigourney Weaver. Tagline: In Space, No One Can Hear You Clean.  The folks at Pixar are incredible. Here they make you care about a robot box, a robot egg, a cockroach, and a flower planted in a shoe. The adventures of WALL-E is enchanting and exciting as it/he follows the love of its/his little micro-circuit heart into space and attempts to win its/her micro-circuit heart. Cool visuals and these two bots have more personality than some people.

 

Captain: This is called farming! You kids are gonna grow all kinds of plants! Vegetable plants, pizza plants. (laughs) Oh, it's good to be home!

8) GALAXY QUEST (1999)

Directed by Dean Parisot. Starring Tim Allen, Sigourney Weaver, and Alan Rickman. Screenplay by David Howard and Robert Gordon.  Story by David Howard. Tagline: The show has been canceled...but the adventure is just beginning. A tickler – one of those rare films that puts a smile on your face and keeps it there. The cast of a canceled TV series, who make a living attending sci-fi conventions and store openings, are recruited by aliens who believe that the episodes of their series are “historical documents.” The aliens are being attacked by another alien species and believe the actors can save them. 

 

DeMarco (to the good aliens): “They're not all ‘historical documents.’ Surely, you don't think Gilligan's Island is a...”

The aliens moan sadly.

Alien Leader: “Those poor people.”

 

7) APOLLO 13 (1995)

Directed by Ron Howard. Starring Tom Hanks, Gary Sinise, and Ed Harris. Screenplay by William Broyles Jr. and Al Reinert. Book by Jim Lovell and Jeffrey Kluger. Tagline: Houston, we have a problem. Terrific, solid film. True story and, despite the fact that we know the ending, keeps us on the edge of our seats. Three astronauts are stranded two hundred thousand miles from Earth in their crippled Apollo 13 spacecraft. How they return home with the help and aid of the crew at Mission Control is the story of real heroes.

 

NASA executive: “This could be the worst disaster NASA's ever faced.”
Kranz: “With all due respect, sir, I believe this is going be our finest hour.”

 

            6) STAR TREK: THE WRATH OF KHAN (1982)

Directed by Nicholas Meyer. Starring William Shatner, DeForest Kelley, and Leonard Nimoy. Screenplay by Jack B. Sowards and (uncredited) Nicolas Meyer. Original Story by Harve Bennett, Jack B, Sowards, and (uncredited) Samuel A. Peeples. Tagline: At the end of the universe lies the beginning of vengeance. Without this film, Gene Roddenberry’s Star Trek franchise more than likely would have ended. Khan showed what the series was all about and pitted Kirk (Shatner) and his crew against a great villain (Ricardo Montalban). While on a cadet-training exercise, the Enterprise encounters another Federation ship that has been hijacked by an old enemy who has also commandeered a top-secret device called Genesis.

 

Spock: “If I may be so bold, it was a mistake for you to accept promotion. Commanding a starship is your first, best destiny; anything else is a waste of material.”
            Kirk: “I would not presume to debate you.”
            Spock: “That is wise. Were I to invoke logic, however, logic clearly dictates that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.”
            Kirk: “Or the one.”
            Spock: “You are my superior officer. You are also my friend. I have been and always shall be yours.”

 

            5) ALIENS (1986)

Directed by James Cameron. Starring Sigourney Weaver, Michael Biehn, and Lance Henriksen. Screenplay by James Cameron. Story by James Cameron, David Giler, and Walter Hill. Tagline: This time it's war. A major edge-of-your-seat movie.  Ripley (Weaver), the sole survivor of the Nostromo, is found and awakened after fifty-seven years in deep sleep. She is asked by the Company to return to the planet where her crew first encountered the alien. A colony was established there and contact with the colonists has been lost. Reluctantly she agrees, and along with a team of heavily armed Space Marines, returns to the planet. The battle royal that follows is total suspense.

 

Ripley: “These people are here to protect you. They are soldiers.”
Little Girl Survivor: “It won't make any difference.”


4) STAR TREK (2009)

Directed by J.J. Abrams. Written by Robert Orci and Alex Kurtzman. Starring Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, and Zoe Saldana. Tagline: The future begins. The Star Trek franchise had run its course in the movies and on television. What was once fun and inspiring was now tired and creaky. Then they decided to start over and show Kirk (Pine) and Spock (Quinto) and the other Enterprise crew members meeting for the first time and their first adventure. And it worked.  This was way cool and exciting as we see the crew as cadets at Starfleet Academy then tested big-time when their first trial flight encounters the revenge-seeking Romulan Captain Nero (Eric Bana).  It was also amazing how much Star Trek trivia they managed to slip into the story without alienating non-Trek fans. This was fun.

Kirk: I'm coming with you.
            Spock: I would cite regulation, but I know you will simply ignore it.
            Kirk: See? We are getting to know each other.

 

3) STAR WARS (1977)

Directed and Written by George Lucas. Starring Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, and Carrie Fisher. Tagline: A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... A touchstone film.  Audiences stood in line for hours to see this film and then stood in line again and again. It redefined how films were marketed and when they were released.  One of the most successful films of all time. A young farm boy (Hamill) acquires two robots who lead him to a mysterious hermit (Sir Alec Guinness) then into a space adventure to rescue a princess (Fisher) from the clutches of the evil Darth Vader and the Empire. Sheer fun from beginning to end with audiences cheering the heroes and booing the villains. A cultural event.

 

            Obi-Wan: “Luke, there was nothing you could have done had you been there. You would have been killed, too, and the droids would now be in the hands of the Empire.”

Luke: “I want to come with you to Alderaan. There is nothing here for me now. I want to learn the ways of the Force and become a Jedi like my father.”

 

            2) ALIEN (1979)

Directed by Ridley Scott. Starring Sigourney Weaver, Tom Skeritt, and Veronica Cartwright. Screenplay by Dan O’Bannon. Story by Dan O’Bannon and Ronald Shusett. Tagline: In space no one can hear you scream.  An awesome, terrifying film. The crew of the cargo ship, Nostromo, is awakened from deep sleep to investigate an SOS signal coming from a desolate planet they are passing. While exploring an area, a crewmember (John Hurt) is attacked and the injured man is taken back to the ship. Big mistake. The alien creature designed by H.R. Giger is astonishing.

 

Ripley: “Ash, that transmission -- Mother's deciphered part of it. It doesn't look like an SOS.

 Ash: “What is it, then?”

Ripley: “Well, it looks like a warning. I'm gonna go out after them.”

Ash: “What's the point? I mean by the time it takes to get there, you'll … they'll know if it's a warning or not, yes?”

 

And…

 

1)      THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK (1980)

Directed by Irvin Kershner. Screenplay by Leigh Brackett and Lawrence Kasdan. Story by George Lucas. Starring Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, and Carrie Fisher. Tagline: The Adventure Continues...  And it did … with aces. Darker in tone than Star Wars and Return of the Jedi and stronger for it. Darth Vader and the Empire want their revenge for the destruction of their prized Deathstar and hit back at the rebel forces with all their might. After a magnificent battle on the ice planet Hoth, our heroes separate. Luke (Hamill) travels to Dagobah for training by the Jedi master, Yoda, to become a knight and learn the ways of the Force. Solo (Ford), Leia (Fisher), and Chewbacca journey to Cloud City which is run by Solo’s old friend. Or is it? While the ending is a cliffhanger (to be resolved in Return), this film is a roller-coaster ride from beginning to end. Sheer fun and a feast for the eyes and for the imagination. Movie-making (and movie-watching) at its best.

 

            Yoda (to Luke): “Ready are you? What know you of ready? For eight hundred years have I trained Jedi. My own counsel will I keep on who is to be trained. A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind. This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm.. What he was doing? Hmph... Adventure. Heh... Excitement. Heh... A Jedi craves not these things. You are reckless.”

 

            Jedi knights may not crave excitement but moviegoers do and, in outer space, films can literally deliver the stars and they have in the ten examples cited. Where do the movies go from here? The best answer is a quote from the intrepid space adventurer in Toy Story.

            Buzz Lightyear: “To infinity, and beyond!”

 

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Film Proposal

I would like Hollywood, 20th Century Fox, Lightstorm Entertainment, Paramount, Sony, Columbia,  New Line Cinema, MGM, Warner Brothers, Silverpictures,

Touchstone Pictures or Castle Rock to produce any of my Screenplays.   

I do know you have policies where you just can't take anyone on that's unsolected material cause then you'll have no policy.

Any Agent who represents Screenplays to them top big name Film Companies above in this message here you can contact me here to talk about this at anytime.

I'm willing and you can do whatever it takes to get my Screenplays into Films I don't care how it's done to get my Screenplays to the Cinema whatever it takes no matter what you can go ahead.

 

 

 

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